An Inaugural Speech

 

     “I am the front-man of this gawd-awful dump of a nation, the drones prove it is so.  Strike while the iron is scalding and the fuel is in the unmanned aerial missile.  Death from above!”  Raises both fists into the air. “I just thought of something - the prince of the power of the air, isn’t that fitting?... Anyway,  I told the pimply-faced ‘pilot’ (holds back a chuckle)  ‘Good job, squirt, you pulled that trigger like a man and now we will invite you to the White House kiddy orgy, sponsored by BBC and the Sandusky trust.  Trust me  - I am an old pro at this carnival-political- weird ritual stuff.  Kill a kid to save a kid, that’s what the vampire royals say…and you know I roll with that fast crowd’.”  Feedback from the PA that pipes in to every house, cell-phone, laptop, car, shopping mall, airport terminal, and office-building.  “Listen up, you slaves:  I am going to pry your shotguns from your cold dead hands – which is the way I prefer it, because quite frankly I am annoyed by your very existence.  But I promise to put them to good use, perhaps fork them over to those classy Mexican drug cartels that my Bank Handlers love working with so very much, or those lovable bad-news  al-Qae·da or Qai·da or Cia-duh or however it’s spelled rapscallions burning down the middle east and north Africa right now… Oh – how I love it – the blood, the carnage…”  (Later on, at a secret meeting on the outskirts of town: “My name is BS and I am a blood fiend (the circle chants “hello BS”)..  I rolled with the commies in the eighties…I am a closet Face Artist (nothing wrong with that, eh? Elevator eyes as the brows furrow up and down at a rapid pace)… I assassinate people around the world and get a Nobel peace prize – I am a regular James fuckin’ Bond!!! That’s what my coked-out yahoo Wall St. handlers like to call me.) Back to the speech:  “So – how should I cook this rotten maggot-filled carcass of a morbidly-obese country?  We can’t even dine on your flesh anymore because it’s all blubber, botox, chemicals of unknown composition, pharmaceuticals, dirt, plastic, cheap Wall-mart perfumes, deodorants, weird drugs, bath-salts, and shitload of genetically altered foods—we take a bite out of you creatures and we’re asking for immediate acute shingles and violent chronic diarrhea….”  The crowd roars.