Friday, November 4, 2016

A Brief Observation on Vampires

Be alert!

Or at least, don’t be totally absorbed in the Electric Universe of your cellular tech.

Watch out, kids—there are pedophillic vampires out there and guess what? Not all of them are just at the poverty threshold.

As a matter of fact, I would wager a guess that the “per capita” ratio is much closer to “1” the higher up the financial latter you look.

Why not?

What vampire wouldn’t choose to live in a mansion, cruse in a private jet and ride a yacht whilst drinking the blood of the rest of humanity?

“I’m no sucker” said the Billionaire vampire, then smirking at his own irony.

What vampire would choose to be a bum? None. That’s how many.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

the moral dubiousness of Tom Hanna

Tom Hanna: the sheriff of Sedgwick County (an area in Colorado close to the Nebraska border )  is currently sitting in jail for allegedly sexually assaulting a “special needs” girl.


Why would I take interest in some random (alleged) misdeed of a law-enforcement officer in a remote region I never had heard off? The reason is thus: I went to elementary school with the guy. As a matter of fact, some of my earliest memories are fond and full of laughter with regards to the chap. You see, he was the first kid I met who told tales so far-fetched even my first-grade mind and those of my contemporaries were astonished.  My buddy Doug and I played along with him, while some of the other kids called Tom Hanna’s bullshit.

“My daddy installed lasers on the space shuttle” he said.
“NUH-UHH” yelled Chris Holzer, in confounded disgust.
“Oh really? Wow, that’s cool” Doug and I would say.

Later, I recall Chris coming to Doug and me at recess and saying, “Hey guys, Tom is lying.”
“We know.”
“Then why are you believing him?”
“We’re not. We are pretending to so maybe he’ll tell more lies, and it’ll be funny.”
Chris nodded his head, and looked at us like we were some first-grade mad geniuses, when what he was really seeing was the makings of first-grade connoisseurs of B.S.

Chris could never maintain the ruse; I think he tried but had to call bullshit at Tom Hanna’s every tall boast: Tom’s claim of spending the night in jail caused Chris’ face to turn red and prompted the first cuss word I ever heard from the mouth of a first-grader.

When Tom brought us a picture of himself standing across from his spitting-image and claimed it was his twin brother, Doug and I oohed and awed, while Chris, knowing it was some sort of camera trick, became the first person I saw receive detention for spewing a string of insults at the young bullshit artist.

Tom’s revelation that he had fired an M-16 rifle received wide-eyes and “wows” from Doug and me, but Chris Holzer could stand it no more: it was the first time I saw someone punch someone else in the gut. 

Perhaps, in a way, Chris Holzer was onto something: he was trying to call him out early and nip the bastard in the bud.  Maybe Doug and I are to blame, for we enabled the moral dubiousness of Tom Hanna….

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

The Answer

What’s the “answer”? (a random sampling of the populace)

Rube: “Hillary.”
Buffoon: “Trump.”
The Unenlightened: “Violence."
The NPR clown: “A national discussion”
The Foolish: “Disarm citizens”
The Outlandish: “Arm everyone”
The Pusher: “Vaccines and Drugs”
The Stooge: "Karl Marx!"
The Wheeler: “Mass surveillance.”
The Dealer: “Wall Street”
The Weird: “36 year old men identifying as 4 year old girls.”
The Neoconartist: “Nuking… (insert country here)”
Hillary: (she farts and her pantyhose under her pants inflate) “It take a pillage, er, village.”
Trump: “Sex is my Vietnam…The beauty of me is that I’m rich…who cares as long as I have a piece of ass! Oh, the answer? How about a wall. Fire the planet. I mean, we should literally set the planet on fire.”

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Destroying Cynisims and Fear

Dear Milly Ennial, it is up to you to carry out the Commander-In-Chief’s mission. In order for you to reject Cynicism and Fear, you will have to utterly reject and destroy the Source of the Cynism and Fear: the sham known as the Establishment Two-Party Robot managed by Overlord Jack $$$ Oligarch.

Unfortunately my contemporary, Jenny X is on Scopolomine at an orgy in the desert humping the Robot, hence compromised and quite frankly either too cynical or brainwashed to care.

And ol’ Babe Boomer is quite content sipping the Lipitor and Viagra dosed koolaid served by the Robot on the hour every hour, eyes adhered to the Robot Television News with a top-secret military-glue and removal will require technology hitherto unknown.

It is a perilous mission, but I trust you will succeed.

Godspeed. —Col. Shalom.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016


I know it's hard to fathom, but there is an area outside the Left/Right circus tent. It's called reality. It's almost magical to those who have had their eyes transfixed on the amusement inside the tent, but I assure you, it is real. And out here, you don't have to drink Trump koolaid or Hillary koolaid. As a matter of fact, you don't have to drink koolaid at all! But I understand--the tent is warm and the action mesmerizing and there is a comfort in being part of a cult even if that cult pees on its members and tells them it's raining--be it blue or red... But because I am not part of this cherished cult system, to the blue I seem red and to the red I seem blue. But at least I am dry. Shalom.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

toss some shit at the fan, will you?

I look at modern civilization as I would look at a country of strange zoo animals hurling their own shit at one another, and some reacting by eating the shit, others throwing it at some other animal that just happened to be in the vicinity but had nothing to do with the initial shit tossing, and others making strange art with the shit, some saving it so they can come back in the future and dump a whole lot of it on the entire populace, some building little shit huts, and others try to trade it for some other shit. It’s just a giant shit-show, and it’s just getting shittier.

Meantime, someone tries to come in and point out that this is a giant shit show and take a wild guess what happens? yes, you guessed it, this creature gets shit thrown at them, and perhaps the other shit throwers stop tossing shit at each other just long enough to unite against this new enemy: the messenger.

“Look—he is anti-us” they say, because they have come to identify with the shit show, and they think shit is in fact the definition of who they are, so anyone that attempts to show them this, and the fact that it’s all jacked up, they consider Enemy. So that’s the way shit gets shittier and shittier until it’s so shitty that people start dying from septic shock, but by this point they say “it’s always been like this, we just have better science to tell us this. back in the day, they didn’t know any better” And they shrug, toss some shit at anyone who is against them, and lick their hands and say “yum! Good shit!”

Yes, indeed, Civilization: I view you thus, and I condemn, denounce and shit on your shit.